About Mother's Day

I've come to discover that it's Mother's Day that I dread the most, over any other remembrance day of my mom, such as her birthday or the anniversary of her death. I think it's because those days are quiet, and unless you are someone who was very close to her, me or our family, you wouldn't even know when those days are. 

With Mother's Day, it's a very painful reminder of what I'm missing. And it's not the same as "Single's Awareness Day," which Valentine's Day is nicknamed by those not in a relationship-- because there is always some amount of hope that one day you'll have someone to share Valentine's Day with. With Mother's Day, that hope doesn't exist. Perhaps once I become a mother things will change, but the cliche that says, "It gets easier with time" is totally fake. It doesn't. Whoever said that is a big liar, because it doesn't get easier. It changes, and it's different, and the pain of loss evolves and morphs into sometimes distraction, sometimes hope, sometimes healing...but it never gets easier. There hasn't been a day yet when I haven't missed my mom.

The thing is: I'm not sad or resentful or angry. It hurts working at Starbucks on Mother's Day, seeing the families reunited over coffee, husbands surprising their wives, daughters laughing with their mothers; It hurts logging onto Facebook seeing tributes to mothers who are alive; though perhaps far away, they can still connect with their children through Skype or even a phone call. What I wouldn't give for that. 

But the thing I've come to realize is what I AM blessed by, and what I so appreciate beyond words: All of the "other mothers," women who have stepped in over the course of these post-loss years to help guide me; offering advice, counsel, support, laughs, conversations over coffee, check-ins through texts or emails, kind words on Facebook, and more--all of these things that my own mom would have done. I think some of you might not even know the impact they have had on me, but your words have come at times when I needed my mom the most. 

At the Allison Inn on Friday, while I was enjoying the spa as a tribute to my mom, unbeknownst to them, a group of ladies saw that I was alone on the patio while other groups of mothers and daughters were lunching together and enjoying the spa together. They leaned over, part-way through their morning to ask me what I was doing there. They allowed me to share my story of my Mother's Day weekend tradition, and then invited me to sit with them. They talked with me about "motherly advice," and asked what my mom's name was so they could toast her with champagne. They probably had no idea how much I needed that in that moment, but I am so blessed that God put them there at just the right time. 

So many of you have offered words of advice or encouragement at a time when a daughter needed her mom most, and you probably never realized how right of timing it was. I have learned a lot from your examples as being women I admire. Thank you for the continual role you have played in my life, big or small, as it does not go unrecognized. 

My mom would be so blessed to know how you've taken care of me in your own way when she could not. To Carol, Susan, Mary Jane, Lois, Sherry, Lou, Rita and so many others who have impacted my life as women I look up to: I appreciate you

Happy Mother's Day, to all of my "Other Mothers" :)

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